What's in a Memory?

Several people have commented that: "if losing a parent is letting go part of your past ... then losing a baby is foregoing part of your future". Bereaved parents ache for the future that might have been. In most cases, the few memories that exist are tied to traumatic events that leave us stunned and saddened. The word itself was a real source of agitation for me last fall. Memory? What memory? We totally missed out!!! After talking with other bereaved parents I realized this reaction was quite normal. Over time I was able to take a step back and redefine the word and make my peace with it. In doing so I realized what a beautiful gift AJ had been. At the end of my first trimester and with much encouragement from Jeff (you're the best, babe!) I gathered the courage to leave a job I should have left months earlier. The following six months were (absolutely, positively) the best six months of my life. I went back to work part-time, took a drawing class, and attended a plethora of prenatal classes -- including yoga and a swimming class for preggos. I confess that I was a major nester. Jeff and my parents got roped into my grand plans for home redecorating and the works. Oh dear! When I think back to those six months I have to smile. With my husband's support and our son on the way, I took a chance I would not have otherwise taken. What a beautiful gift that is. What a beautiful memory.