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We received an e-mail the other day from Jeff's first cousin, Sara, who lives with her family in DeKalb, Illinois (about two hours south of Madison, Wisconsin). Turns out that DeKalb is one of 208 communities in the U.S. to receive grant money from the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA) as part of The Big Read, an initiative that was piloted in 2006. According to an NEA press release, The Big Read "gives communities the opportunity to come together to read, discuss, and celebrate one of 23 selections from American and world literature". One of the 23 selections happens to be To Kill a Mockingbird!
Beginning in September, the DeKalb (Illinois) Public Library will be giving away 5,000 copies of To Kill a Mockingbird and will be hosting a variety of different events the month of October -- including a mock trial kick-off event on September 29th. In addition to DeKalb, 32 other U.S. communities will be hosting events between September 2008 and June 2009 related to the novel To Kill A Mockingbird. One such event in Wisconsin will be a theatrical production in April at UW-Whitewater's Irvin L. Young Auditorium.
In addition to DeKalb, IL and Whitewater, WI, communities in 18 other states will be sponsoring projects related to the novel; they are: California (Corona, Norwalk, Pomona, and Rohnert Park); Connecticut (Hartford); Florida (Pensacola); Georgia (Brunswick and Douglasville); Kansas (Iola and Topeka); Kentucky (Bowling Green and Olive Hill); Louisiana (New Orleans); Massachusetts (Pittsfield); Michigan (Hartland); Missouri (St. Louis and Springfield); New York (Bronx, Brooklyn, and Canton); North Carolina (Charlotte, Clayton, and Statesville); Ohio (Cleveland, Portsmouth, and Sandusky); Tennessee (Athens); Texas (Houston); Utah (Orem); Virginia (Martinsville); and Washington (Yakima). For more information about participating communities, please see: http://neabigread.org/communities.php.
In choosing a name for our son, Nicole and I had all of the usual “first time parent” conversations. We talked about our dads’ names, biblical names, family names, we even talked about the possibility of naming him “Jeff Jr” in our search for the all illusive perfect name. We dug through a variety of baby name books and culled through a few websites when it finally dawned on us: what we really needed to do was to ask ourselves the fundamental question “What does a name mean to us?”. This single question changed the scope of our entire conversation. We realized, in time, that what was really important to us was a name that our son could draw guidance and strength from as he grew older. Something that might help him find his way when faced with difficult or confusing circumstances. It was this train of thought that lead us to the name Atticus James. Atticus is based on Atticus Finch from the Great American Novel To Kill A Mockingbird and James is my father’s name. To me, Atticus was the pillar of strength and guidance we were looking for. He is a great and compassionate character who’s ideas and morals are as relevant today as they will be a hundred years from now. Our problem, or my problem to be more specific, was that I felt Atticus was too “heavy” a name for a child. I was having a hard time imaging a four year old answering to Atticus or Nicole and I trying to explain the meaning of his name over Saturday morning cartoons. It was Nicole who gracefully solved this predicament, “let’s just call him AJ” she said as we drove back from Wisconsin Rapids. “AJ”, I thought, “Yeah … that’s it!” It’s cute, it’s inviting and most of all, it has meaning. I don’t know how many people connected the dots between Atticus and To Kill A Mockingbird, but the ones who did seemed to have an all too familiar smile when we shared his name. I was looking forward to AJ seeing that smile, connecting to that smile the way I have and appreciating that smile as he grew older. I find solace in that smile now, in the connection it brings and the memories it sparks. I hope when I’m an old man re-reading To Kill A Mockingbird that I’ll not only enjoy the relationships of Scout, Jem and Atticus but I’ll also remember the conversations Nicole and I shared the days we were searching for a name.
The night AJ passed away we received a folder full of information compiled by the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Program at Meriter Hospital. In it were brochures and booklets on a range of topics for parents in our situation – selecting a funeral home, tips for family and friends, physical care considerations, the grieving process, and support groups for bereaved parents. Would you believe there is even a northwoods Wisconsin retreat for bereaved couples (see http://faithslodge.org/) – something the two of us have talked about taking advantage of around this time next year. All of these wonderful resources were made available through the strength of other parents that came before us and experienced a similar loss. Knowing that, alone, was comforting. The resources, themselves, have been invaluable. Together with the love of family and friends, we have everything we need to move forward one little step at a time.
But who is taking care of the doctors and nurses that are taking care of us? This, we wondered, after talking with one of the OB/GYN residents that was with us that night. She was there in the birthing suite while we were laboring; she comforted Jeff when an emergency C-section became necessary and they wheeled me into the OR; she sat with him after AJ was born and before I had woken up; and she visited us every morning in the hospital to check my incision, talk, and give hugs. As you might imagine, she was struggling with the loss as well. During one of our conversations, the young doctor remarked that this experience was shaping what kind of doctor she would become.
Experiencing loss is a part of life. It is also part of being a doctor. There are no textbooks or classes that can prepare our doctors for the inevitable loss of a patient under their care. Do they have access to the support they need? It must be discouraging when such intense emotions are part of what it means to be a doctor. And yet it would be a tragedy, we think, to lose someone with superior knowledge, skill, and bedside manner to another line of work.
For this reason, we have contacted the UW-Madison OB/GYN Residency Program and will be working with them to arrange for something that supports the residents in Honor of AJ. Monetary gifts (should you like to make one) may be sent to us at our home address (please e-mail us at dewitt.jeffnicole@gmail.com if you need our mailing address). Once arrangements have been made, we will be sure to get in touch to let you know specifically what your contribution helped make possible.
We are back in the sanctity of our home and the healing continues. The hospital felt like a very safe place for us during those first fragile days; the doctors and nurses were unbelievably gracious. We were able to spend intimate time with our immediate family and with each other.
Since sending out the news of AJ's passing we have received countless e-mail messages, cards, bouquets of flowers, and various care packages. We feel blessed to have so many people that care about us!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Many of you have written that you wish you could do more ... or that words seem so meaningless at a time like this. It sure can be frustrating when someone you care about is struggling and there doesn't seem to be anything you can do to fix it ... or even just make it a little better for awhile. But ... from our perspective ... receiving a note from someone we love does make a difference - regardless of the words contained within. We feel as if we have an army of people around us thinking about us and praying for us ... never in our lives have we felt so supported ... and so loved. Your words have brought us peace and courage.
We will be reaching out to you in the days, weeks, and months ahead. We hope you understand if it takes us some time to get back to you. There will be days that we just need to grieve in the solitude of our own home. Other days we will not hesitate to ask for a shoulder to cry on - trust us! We are really looking forward to spending some quality time with everyone and to get all the hugs you have been so eager to give. We know it is difficult to be patient ... but in due time we will be ready. Thank you for understanding our need to grieve in our own way. We love you all so very much!!!
There is grief, but there is an unwavering sense of gratitude. It feels good to be home again.
This past Saturday, September 6th we were blessed with the arrival of Atticus James ("AJ") Dewitt. AJ arrived at 12:24 a.m. - he weighted 6 pounds, 10 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. AJ was a beautiful little boy and a real fighter. Sadly, at 2:38 a.m. we had to say goodbye to our sweet little angel. Swaddled in our love and bathed in our tears, he is now sleeping in the arms of Our Lord in Heaven.
We have big holes in our chests right now and are filling them up with love and support from our families and friends. We will get through this in time. As a tribute to our son, we will strive to be better people as a result of this experience. We are determined to get through this without becoming angry or resentful.
Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.
Still busy baking the 'bun' ... temperature in the 'oven' is apparently set a little low. Perhaps things will heat up a bit tomorrow on Labor Day (sorry for the pun). Hospital bags are packed and in the car. Good news is there's still plenty of time to have the babe and get back for the season opener against the Vikings (that's how much I love you, honey!).
Boy are we excited! The due date (Aug 21) has come and gone (not unusual for first-time Mommies) and our little boy could be here any day now. Can't wait to meet you, AJ!!!
thanks for dropping by! come on in, have a read, view some pics - we hope you enjoy.
