Mother's Day

Mother's Day was tough this year. It's one of those holidays I hadn't (or perhaps couldn't ... ) really prepare myself for. Add that to the list of so many things I have learned from this experience. By definition, the things we prepare ourselves for in life are not the same things that take us by surprise. The very process of anticipation allows us to work through some of our feelings in advance (and in private, if we so choose). While the experience itself may indeed be difficult, the silver lining is that tiny slice of control we all yearn for. As far as holidays go, I figured Christmas would pretty much suck. There were certainly sad moments, but all in all Christmas was enjoyable. Mother's Day, on the other hand, snuck up on me. Mother's Day will never be the same again. And that's OK. With experience comes perspective. Mother's Day first changed for me with the loss of my grandmothers. I always feel a twinge of sadness when I imagine how my parents and their siblings must feel when the day arrives, awash with memories upon memories of Mother's Days past. Until this year I never bothered to think of all the mothers who have outlived their children, shedding tears of anguish for Mother's Days never to be. While all of this seems terribly sad, it has at the same time made me more thoughtful and sensitive. This experience is permanently woven into the fabric of my soul. For that I am grateful. That I had not anticipated Mother's Day's (admittedly predictable) difficulty meant that it was emotional. Jeff and I had spent a couple of weekends helping my parent's prepare AJ's Place up by the Old Oak Tree. We picked out a small ornamental pear tree and planted it that day. It was heart-wrenching and powerful and beautiful and real all at the same time. It was my first Mother's Day. I miss you, AJ! The tree has white blossoms in the spring and bright red/orange leaves in the fall. The picture, above, shows my Dad, Jeff, and I putting the finishing touches on the mulch. My Mom and I next to AJ's Tree AJ's Tree